Rate Your Marriage

How good is your marriage? Is it a 5-Star Union or are you on the brink of disaster? Answer these ten questions and you'll find your score. Partners should take the test individually then average their totals together.

A. Do you feel distant or disconnected from your spouse?

1. all the time
2. frequently
3. occasionally
4. rarely
5. never

B. How often do you get a night out together?

1. fewer than six times a year
2. maybe six times a year
3. once or twice a quarter
4. once or twice a week
5. at least once a week

C. When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk?

1. I can't remember
2. last month
3. last week
4. a few days ago
5. today

D.  When was the last time you made love?

1. I can't remember
2. last month
3. last week
4. a few days ago
5. today

E. How much touching do you engage in outside of sexual intercourse?

1. We hardly ever touch
2. We almost never kiss but sometimes we hold hands
3. We hug and kiss occasionally, but mostly hold hands, massage, pat, etc.
4. We hug and kiss and fondle at least once a day
5. We touch whenever we're near each other

F. How much time do you spend actively interacting each day?

1. less than 10 minutes
2. 10 to 15 minutes
3. 15 to 30 minutes
4. 30 to 60 minutes
5. more than an hour

G. How frequently do you argue?

1. whenever we're together
2. almost every day
3. at least once a week
4. more than once a month
5. I can't remember the last time

H. When we argue, I feel:

1. There's no point in discussing it; I shut down
2. We probably will not reach an agreeable conclusion
3. We may or may not be able to work through it
4. It's discordant in the moment, but later we come to an agreement
5. We have the tools to resolve it quickly and effectively

I. How would you rank your emotional intimacy with each other?

1. I can't stand to be near my spouse
2. I used to like my partner but find it difficult to be together now
3. We like being together when we can find the time
4. We are best friends who unfortunately get busy with life
5. We are extremely close

J. How would you rank your physical intimacy with each other?

1. a black hole
2. a dark night
3. a bit cloudy, but I can still see the moon
4. a cloudless night with a full moon and plenty of stars
5. fireworks and shooting stars

To rate your marriage, add up the numbers you circled (i.e., 5 points for marking #5; 4 points for marking #4,and so forth.) Double your score. That's your percentage. Now average your percentage with your spouse's.

90-100%  Five Stars! Celebrate your success!
80-90%    You're doing well, but still have room to grow
70-80%    A pretty mediocre result; definitely needs improvement
60-70%    Oh dear! Make some commitments to nurture your relationship
50-60%    It's not hopeless, but it will take a lot of work to get back on track