The Most Important Thing

If you could change just one aspect of your marriage, what would be most important? Would it be communication skills, intimacy, money management, approaches to problem-solving or child discipline? After a survey of many books and articles, Pampered Partners suggests that the single most important thing you can do to strengthen your marriage is to care. Care about your spouse. Care about the marriage. Care more than you do about your own needs.

This is NOT to say a person should become a doormat, abandoning all self-preservation in an abusive situation. Rather, it means truly showing interest in your partner and his or her dreams, disappointments, and desires - the way you did when you were courting! Remember the things you did when you were falling in love? Those are the ingredients that demonstrate you are invested in your marriage. The acronym below reminds you of the vital ways to express just how much your spouse means to you.

C - Connection points: these are the established daily and weekly rituals when you bond, such as good-bye kisses, welcome home hugs, regular date nights, mid-day phone calls, etc.
A - Allotted time to discuss each others' concerns, triumphs, daily events: Individuals have to schedule appointments to conference with doctors, lawyers, teachers, counselors, etc. Is it a priority for you to schedule time with your spouse? This can be 20 minutes at the end of each day, or an hour or two on the weekend.
R - Religious communion: The triangle is the strongest shape. Those who make God part of a three-way covenant relationship are shown statistically to have sturdier marriages than those who do not. Since marriage has been appointed and sanctioned by God, it would be foolish to suppose that God does not buttress those seeking divine help.
E - Emotional deposits: Research says that a person needs five positive validations to counteract every negative message sent to him. In a world of cynicism and criticism, are you a cheerleader or a referee? We can bolster our partners with quick, consistent messages, such as, "I appreciate you," "I am sorry," "You are beautiful," "I can't wait to spend time with you," "Thank you," and "I'm glad to be married to you." Try sending these messages not only verbally, but through notes, gifts, touch and time spent together.